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30DBH Day 3 – Why Wait For a Piece of Paper?

April 5, 2012

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…

I don’t know how I came off on Monday’s post, but hopefully I didn’t come off as this super conservative person because I’m not. I don’t think anybody should have to save themselves for marriage… unless they absolutely want to. And even then I don’t think they should be bound by that either. People shouldn’t have to feel weird about wanting to have sex with who they’re with. Especially if it’s someone they really care about.

I say people because usually when people pose this question they’re talking about women and I just don’t think that’s fair at all. Why should the virginity of  one gender be valued over the other? Why is it good for women to be inexperienced and for men to be “sex gods.” I think it’s weird that despite the fact that we’re a more sexually open generation it’s still a common thought that women just lie there and “take it.” Why can’t women be the dominant ones without being thought of as sluts? If men are encouraged to be promiscuous so that they can please their future spouse, then why aren’t women? Doesn’t it take an effort from both parties?

Then there’s the whole marriage side to the equation. I think that it’s becoming more evident that marriage really isn’t for everyone anymore. The traditional reasons (ie: women needed it for shelter/financial reasons and men needed it for a steady source of sex/someone to cook/clean) are no more. Women can work and men have (hopefully) come to the realization that cooking and cleaning aren’t just “women’s work.” Marriage isn’t even completely necessary to have a family or raise children. It’s completely fine, some people just aren’t meant to be in such long-term relationships, I know because I’m friends with some of them. Why should people have to save themselves for an institution of something that would just make them unhappy?

Even for the people who thrive on being in a monogamous relationship (me included) Marriage really is just a piece of paper. I believe that people “get married” a lot of the time before the actual ceremony. It happens when they acknowledge their love and their desire to be together forever. For some people this happens before they’re even engaged, for others it never happens (Kim Kardashian comes to mind). It’s different for everybody so why does it matter when they decide to have sex. I know that for some religions the ceremony is the moment where they become one in the eyes of their deity and that is why they chose to wait and I respect that because that is what they want.

I don’t really “condone” casual sex and sex with strangers. I think that it makes more sense to be intimate with someone you care about and since the first time seems to be such a special thing it makes sense to wait for someone special.  I just feel that from what I’ve heard, having sex with random strangers usually leads to regret so people should at least think about the consequences before they do so. It’s just my humble opinion. Then again, does it really matter what a random girl on the internet thinks?

So basically, people should do what makes them the happiest and will bring them the least regrets and if they happen to wait for their wedding night, well that’s just sweet. :)

PS: I just realized that there might be some people who are doing 30DBH that I forgot to subscribe to. So if I haven’t been either liking or commenting on your blog PLEASE let me know and I’ll fix that. :)

30 Days of Blogging Honestly, or 30DBH as I like to call it, is a monthly project of sorts where you must answer 30 questions honestly throughout the month of April 2012. Here’s my post explaining it and here’s a list of other participants.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. April 5, 2012 4:24 pm

    Mariana, there seems to be someone joining every day so I do keep updating the list. Nicole just joined today but I will add her link to my post tomorrow. I think that brings the total to 28 not including myself.

    • April 5, 2012 4:29 pm

      Wah. Sooo many people.
      I just don’t want to leave anybody out.

      • April 5, 2012 4:33 pm

        I’m trying to let that not happen. So much work to do.

      • April 7, 2012 7:22 am

        This challenge is really fun and the participants are really cool :) It’s been interesting reading other people’s answers.

  2. bannatreasures permalink
    April 6, 2012 12:03 pm

    Hi! I just listened a little to one of your videos.. my computer’s being strange and slow so I had to stop haha but your voice is really cute!

    I agree with you completely that it should be something someone wants! And also that of course it’s natural to want to! I can’t think of it as being something wrong :/

    But I don’t know, about marriage, I believe it’s a respected union because it’s agreeing to be with someone forever. Yeah it’s not for everyone, but I don’t think it’s “just a piece of paper.” I think it’s about respect and understanding and trust, but these days its so downplayed by all the divorces and broken relationships.. Perhaps marriage means different things to different people then? I just think it’s terrible when there’s some kind of split or accident and there are kids involved, I think they deserve to have both a mother and father role in their lives..

    • April 6, 2012 4:40 pm

      Her voice is really cute. It has a little something to it that makes you smile when you hear it. I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed.

    • April 6, 2012 5:35 pm

      I do think it’s important when two people make such an important commitment, but I think the actual act of being married has been “robbed” of it’s importance since it seems like people see it as less of an act of love and devotion and more as the thing you do after you’ve been together for a certain amount of time. I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing though because now it’s more about the actual love and commitment and less about the legalities. )

      Hahah, not really sure how to respond to that other than thank you. :3
      It makes me really happy to know that people watch my videos and don’t find me annoying. haha

  3. April 7, 2012 8:10 am

    I love your answer – you talk about something that has yet to be brought up and that’s a woman’s role in a relationship and sex. You’re absolutely right, it seems that the notion of sex before marriage is the responsibility of the woman and not the man. It’s almost encourage for men to sleep around. I think that some people aren’t fit for marriage and dont want it, so why should they be punished for it? Great post, loved your answer!

    • April 7, 2012 5:21 pm

      Thank you. That’s what’s always bothered me when people talk about virginity. As a feminist (the kind that believes in equality and not the crazy man-haters people make us out to be) I think it’s really unfair to both sexes for a woman’s virginity to be put on such a high pedestal. Either both genders should have to feel shame for sleeping around or neither should, it’s not fair unless it’s fair to everyone.
      Thanks. I hope I sound like I know what I’m talking about. :)

  4. April 10, 2012 10:24 pm

    I love the title!!!! :D

    Nice post!!!


  1. The Week in Review – 04.05.12 | lifeofcarbon

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